SHOPIFY · CMS AUDIT

A brutally honest Shopify store audit

Shopify makes it easy to launch a store. It also makes it easy to install a dozen apps that each add 100KB of JavaScript, run an "Average" theme that's actually 1.8MB, and ship product pages with no schema. ShiteScore tells you which of these is true of your store and what to fix first.

£9.99, one-off. Free score in 30 seconds. Full 15-page report in your inbox in five minutes.

Score your site → 30-second free scan

What makes ShiteScore different on Shopify

Three Shopify-specific patterns the audit goes hard on:

App sprawl. A typical Shopify store running on a year-old theme has 8–14 third-party apps installed, each injecting JavaScript into every page load whether the page needs it or not. The audit identifies how many app scripts are running on your homepage and flags the heaviest. Removing two or three you don't actually use often takes 0.5s off mobile load time.

Product schema completeness. Shopify themes ship with basic product schema, but most store owners are missing the optional fields that matter for AI search and rich results — aggregateRating, review, availability, brand.url. ShiteScore checks each product page in your sitemap (up to 25) and flags exactly which fields are missing on which products.

Theme bloat versus theme age. Older Shopify themes (the free ones from 2018–2020 era) are dramatically slower than newer ones. ShiteScore identifies the theme and version where possible and tells you whether the right answer is to optimise it or to migrate. Migration is rarely the right answer; optimisation usually is.

What we typically find on Shopify stores

In rough order of impact:

Image weight on product pages. Product photography uploaded full-size with no responsive image variants. A typical product page weighs 4–7MB on mobile when it should weigh under 2MB.

Hero carousel on the homepage. Five 2MB JPEGs auto-rotating. Most users never click past the first slide. Convert to WebP, lazy-load slides 2–5, save ~6MB on the initial page load.

Third-party app overload. Reviews app, upsell app, currency converter, Klaviyo popup, Tidio chat, Hotjar tracker. Stack five and you've added a second of perceived load time.

Missing product schema fields. Most stores have basic product markup but are missing aggregateRating, review, and availability. Rich result eligibility is at risk.

Slow Liquid renders on collection pages. Custom Liquid logic that loops through every product on a collection page (rather than paginating server-side) tanks performance on category pages with more than 50 items.

Mobile checkout speed. Shopify's hosted checkout is fast, but third-party apps frequently extend it with their own scripts. ShiteScore flags any extending apps and rates the impact.

15 pages, six categories. Every fix written for Shopify specifically, with named apps, theme settings, and Liquid snippets where relevant. £9.99 one-off. 7-day refund — we'll ask what went wrong, but we won't argue.

so. how shite is your site?

Score me →

FAQ

Reasonable questions.

Is this actually called ShiteScore?

Yes. It's called ShiteScore because that's the word people use when they look at their own website. The brand is the joke that's already in your head.

Will you ring me afterwards?

No. The whole product exists because we're sick of being rung up by agencies. We don't even have a phone number.

What if my score is really shite?

Then the report is more useful, not less. The lower the score, the more low-hanging fruit. We don't sugar-coat, but we also don't shame.

Refund policy?

7 days. If the report genuinely isn't useful to you — not just "I didn't like my score" — reply to your report email with the word "refund" and it's done within an hour. We'll ask what went wrong so we can improve it, but we won't argue.

Is this AI-generated slop?

The crawl and scoring are real data — PageSpeed Insights, a live site crawl, security header checks, DNS lookups. The fix steps are a mix: common, well-understood issues are served from a curated library of pre-reviewed, platform-specific instructions written and checked by a human. Novel or site-specific issues are generated by Claude AI from your actual audit data. Nothing is generic filler.

Which platforms do you support?

We detect your CMS automatically. WordPress, Shopify, Wix, Squarespace and Webflow all get platform-specific fix steps — naming the exact menu, plugin, or setting you need. WordPress sites also get a plugin version check: if your plugins are significantly out of date, we flag it with guidance on updating safely. For custom-built sites, we give you the general technical approach.