LONDON · CITY AUDIT

A brutally honest website audit for London businesses

If your London business has a website, three different agencies have already cold-emailed you this month offering a "free audit". They don't actually want to audit your site. They want to sell you a £4,000 redesign you probably don't need.

ShiteScore is the alternative. £9.99, one-off. You type in your domain, get a free score in 30 seconds, and pay £9.99 if you want the full report. It arrives in your inbox in five minutes. No sales call, no subscription, no consultant.

Score your site → 30-second free scan

Why a website audit matters more in London than almost anywhere else

London is the most competitive small-business market in the UK. Whatever you sell, six other London businesses sell the same thing within a Tube ride. The site that loads in 1.8 seconds wins; the one that loads in 5.2 seconds doesn't.

The numbers are unforgiving. Roughly 65% of London search traffic is now mobile. Google's own data shows mobile users abandon a page after about three seconds of waiting. If your homepage takes six seconds to load on a 4G connection — which is normal for a typical small-business WordPress site — you've already lost half your visitors before they've seen what you sell.

London's also the most-audited city in the country, which sounds like a good thing and is actually a problem. Most small London businesses we see have had three or four "free audits" from agencies, none of which produced anything they could action. The reports are 60 pages long, full of jargon, and end with a sales call. The actual problems — three or four specific issues that any decent developer could fix in an afternoon — are buried.

What we typically find on London small-business sites

In rough order of frequency:

Carousels and hero videos that weigh more than the rest of the page combined. A typical Shoreditch agency-built site has a 6MB hero video on the homepage. On a phone with patchy signal, that's the entire 4G data budget for a single page load.

Tracking scripts that outweigh the actual content. GA4, Meta Pixel, LinkedIn Insight Tag, three different chat widgets, a CRM tracker. Every one of them blocks the main thread for 100–300ms. Stack five and you've added a second of perceived load time.

Missing schema. No LocalBusiness markup, no FAQ schema, no Organization data. Which means when someone asks ChatGPT "best [your category] near Liverpool Street", the AI can't even see you exist.

Accessibility violations. A typical small London business site has 15–40 WCAG violations on the homepage alone. Image alt text, colour contrast on CTAs, and unlabelled form fields are the three most common.

A 15-page report covering performance, SEO, AEO, accessibility, technical (security headers, SSL, DNS), and content. Each issue comes with a plain-English explanation of why it matters and a step-by-step fix written for whichever platform you're on. £9.99, one-off. 7-day refund — we'll ask what went wrong, but we won't argue.

so. how shite is your site?

Score me →

FAQ

Reasonable questions.

Is this actually called ShiteScore?

Yes. It's called ShiteScore because that's the word people use when they look at their own website. The brand is the joke that's already in your head.

Will you ring me afterwards?

No. The whole product exists because we're sick of being rung up by agencies. We don't even have a phone number.

What if my score is really shite?

Then the report is more useful, not less. The lower the score, the more low-hanging fruit. We don't sugar-coat, but we also don't shame.

Refund policy?

7 days. If the report genuinely isn't useful to you — not just "I didn't like my score" — reply to your report email with the word "refund" and it's done within an hour. We'll ask what went wrong so we can improve it, but we won't argue.

Is this AI-generated slop?

The crawl and scoring are real data — PageSpeed Insights, a live site crawl, security header checks, DNS lookups. The fix steps are a mix: common, well-understood issues are served from a curated library of pre-reviewed, platform-specific instructions written and checked by a human. Novel or site-specific issues are generated by Claude AI from your actual audit data. Nothing is generic filler.

Which platforms do you support?

We detect your CMS automatically. WordPress, Shopify, Wix, Squarespace and Webflow all get platform-specific fix steps — naming the exact menu, plugin, or setting you need. WordPress sites also get a plugin version check: if your plugins are significantly out of date, we flag it with guidance on updating safely. For custom-built sites, we give you the general technical approach.