GLASGOW · CITY AUDIT

A brutally honest website audit for Glasgow businesses

Glasgow runs on visitor traffic. Festivals, conferences, weekend tourism, the West End food scene, the Merchant City bars. A huge proportion of search traffic for Glasgow businesses comes from people who landed at Queen Street twenty minutes ago and are looking for something to do tonight on their phone. If your site doesn't load fast on patchy 4G with a low battery, you've lost them.

ShiteScore tells you whether it does. £9.99 one-off, no subscription, no sales call. Full report in your inbox in five minutes.

Score your site → 30-second free scan

Why Glasgow businesses specifically need this

Glasgow's mobile traffic share is among the highest in the UK — partly because the city is genuinely walkable and people use their phones in motion, partly because the visitor mix skews younger and more mobile-first than the national average. For most Glasgow consumer businesses, mobile is north of 70% of all sessions. Yet most of the Glasgow sites we audit are still being designed and tested on a developer's 27-inch monitor first.

Festival-window load spikes. Sites that just about cope on a quiet Tuesday in February fall over on a Saturday during the International Comedy Festival. Most small businesses don't run any kind of load testing, but Lighthouse mobile performance is a decent proxy — if you're scoring under 50 on a normal day, you're going to have a properly bad weekend in August.

Tourism-tier accessibility scrutiny. International visitors with disabilities are a meaningful slice of Glasgow's tourist economy, and they're more likely than UK locals to abandon a site that doesn't pass basic accessibility tests. A typical Glasgow restaurant site has 25+ WCAG violations on the homepage, including critical ones like missing form labels on the booking widget.

Booking-widget bloat. Glasgow hospitality runs on third-party booking platforms — OpenTable, Resy, SevenRooms, ResDiary. Each one drops a heavy JavaScript bundle into your site. Three of them on the same page is normal. Performance scores in the 30s are normal too. You can do better, and the report tells you how.

What we typically find on Glasgow business websites

By sector:

Hospitality (restaurants, bars, cafés): booking-widget overload, image-heavy menus with no compression, missing FAQ schema for the questions people actually ask ("are you dog friendly", "do you do brunch on Sundays").

Creative and design agencies: beautiful portfolio sites that score 18/100 on mobile because the homepage has six full-width video backgrounds.

Independent retail (West End, Merchant City): Shopify with theme bloat, no LocalBusiness schema, missing product structured data.

Tour operators: WordPress sites built in 2019, three or four major versions behind, with at least one critical-severity plugin update outstanding.

15 pages, six categories, prioritised fix list. £9.99, one-off. 7-day refund — we'll ask what went wrong, but we won't argue.

so. how shite is your site?

Score me →

FAQ

Reasonable questions.

Is this actually called ShiteScore?

Yes. It's called ShiteScore because that's the word people use when they look at their own website. The brand is the joke that's already in your head.

Will you ring me afterwards?

No. The whole product exists because we're sick of being rung up by agencies. We don't even have a phone number.

What if my score is really shite?

Then the report is more useful, not less. The lower the score, the more low-hanging fruit. We don't sugar-coat, but we also don't shame.

Refund policy?

7 days. If the report genuinely isn't useful to you — not just "I didn't like my score" — reply to your report email with the word "refund" and it's done within an hour. We'll ask what went wrong so we can improve it, but we won't argue.

Is this AI-generated slop?

The crawl and scoring are real data — PageSpeed Insights, a live site crawl, security header checks, DNS lookups. The fix steps are a mix: common, well-understood issues are served from a curated library of pre-reviewed, platform-specific instructions written and checked by a human. Novel or site-specific issues are generated by Claude AI from your actual audit data. Nothing is generic filler.

Which platforms do you support?

We detect your CMS automatically. WordPress, Shopify, Wix, Squarespace and Webflow all get platform-specific fix steps — naming the exact menu, plugin, or setting you need. WordPress sites also get a plugin version check: if your plugins are significantly out of date, we flag it with guidance on updating safely. For custom-built sites, we give you the general technical approach.